Has that happened?
No. Instead I've made porridge for tea, again, got some stuff ready to take to a friend tomorrow, dipped in and out of facebook, checked my bank balance, read some blogs, looked at facebook again.....and now it's 8.30pm.
Achieved? Nothing.
I have notebooks and diaries everywhere listing 'the perfect diet and exercise schedule', all with start dates for probably every month over the last 3 years.
Not sure what the blockage is on this one, when I know 100% that feeling better about how I look, being able to get back into all my old clothes and regaining my health and fitness, will restore a massive amount of my confidence and self-belief.
Yes money is an issue. It's cheaper to have a bowl of porridge for tea than it is to prepare a lovely, fresh, wholesome salad with homemade juice on the side.
Yes the weather is cold, and salad isn't doing it for me right now. Yes I am tired and lethargic (undoubtedly the result of a shoddy diet).
But are they the real issues here? Can't figure out the psychology when I am so passionate about 'real' food. It's like a form of self-sabotage. I don't get it.
So then I asked myself the question - 'if money wasn't an issue, would I be eating differently?' I'd like to think that yes I would. I'd have a breadmaker and a juicer and one of those Vitamix blenders that I so covet. I could buy organic vegetables from farmer's markets and the local wholefood shop. I could belong to a box scheme and have organic fish and produce delivered to my door....
Hmm. Money may not buy happiness, but it certainly gives you more choices.
Hence frustration and crossness with myself tonight. For being defeatist and disillusioned as much as anything. Does a baby take its first steps, fall down then give up? No it doesn't. It tries harder.
Come on woman...get it together.
Two quotes are springing to mind tonight:-
Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.
(Theodore Roosevelt)
and this other one:-
Courage isn't always a roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying "I will try again tomorrow"
(Mary Anne Radmacher)
Hello, Debs!! I found you thru KRR's Possibilitarian Tribe and wanted to give you a shout-out. I'm slowly but surely going thru the list of our tribe members and wanted you to know how deeply your blog has touched me. I admire your courage and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and still filled with hope. Go you!! I've put together a rough contact list of our tribe members. If you'd like a copy, email me at soulfulheartmixedmedia@gmail.com. Sending you jumbo hugs!! Deb
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. What a lovely comment. I'd love a copy of the list, I was doing the same as you and slowly reading other people's stories. Us girls have so much strength and vulnerability and hope, it's great to be an inspiration to each other. I'll email you for your list, what a treasure you are for putting that together.
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